Aliver Blogsite

Just another Survivors to Alivers Sites site

Welcome to Survivors To Alivers’ Blog

Written By: blog - Jun• 25•13

Welcome to Survivors To Alivers’ Blog. I’m Elizabeth Williams, founder of Survivors To Alivers, author of “You Survived… Now What? A Road Map to Reclaiming Life,” and writer for our blog. You are probably visiting this site because, as I was a few years ago, you’re searching for answers.

You want a better life, you want to be happy, but you feel stuck. Part of you has convinced yourself that your life isn’t that bad and you’re okay with how things are. Another part of you feels like something’s wrong, something’s missing, and you want to fix it but you’re scared to face it and have no idea how to.You’re in the right place.

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Wanna know the #1 reason for unhappiness?

Written By: blog - Nov• 17•15

Have you ever wondered why not everyone is happy and at peace?

Unless you’re an analytical nerd like me you probably haven’t… but seriously, now that I mention it, isn’t it a curious mystery?

Why in the world isn’t everyone walking around smiling and overflowing with peace?  Everyone wants to be happy don’t they?  So why aren’t they?

Well, there are actually several reasons why… maybe that will be my next book.

For now I’ll keep it simple and give you what I believe to be the #1 reason we aren’t living in a world of super happy people…………….
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IT”S HARD!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!   It’s hard to achieve and maintain happiness.

  • It’s hard to let go of the hurt of the past.
  • It’s hard to change how you think.
  • It’s hard to discontinue relationships with people you love but aren’t good for you.
  • It’s hard to stop using drugs and alcohol.
  • It’s hard to look in the mirror and be honest with yourself about who you are and how much you don’t like you.

This is a SHORT list of some of the things necessary to achieve and maintain happiness…. but IT CAN BE DONE!

You’ve got to be willing to push through the hard stuff.  When you choose to heal it almost always gets worse before it gets better but IT DOES GET BETTER.

What’s been your challenge?

  • You started the journey of losing weight but quit because the workouts made your body hurt?
  • You started to work through painful memories of childhood abuse but it made you cry too much so you stuffed it back in your emotional closet?
  • You started to consider forgiving him or her but found yourself too angry so you held on to resentment?

ACTION ITEM:  Have you  started to pursue a better life and gotten off track?  Write out the positive results you will enjoy if you push through the hard part and continue your healing journey.  Is it worth it?  Can you push a little further?

(Don’t mind me answering that for you… yes, it’s worth it and yes, you can push further)

#Aliver

 

It’s not as hard as you think…. Here’s why

Written By: blog - Nov• 16•15

I’ve been counseling and coaching people for many years and between this and my own personal journey there’s one thing I know…

 

CHANGE IS HARD!!!

Well… kinda.

What I learned over the years was that it was never as hard as I thought it was.

The reason change seems so hard is because we zone in on our end goal and it appears to be a million miles away.

We can’t even see the end.

We can’t imagine what a different life will look like…. What a different me will look like.

Will I still be “me”?

Who will I hang out with?

Where will I go?

What will I do?

We also do our very best but can’t quite figure out every single step we need to take… We have to figure it all out before we start right?
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That’s where the problem is…. NO, we don’t have to figure all of it out before we start.

All we really have to do is start.

Start where we are….. Do what we know….  Just take the first step.

Martin Luther King Jr. gives us the best advice, “Take the first step in faith.  You don’t have to see the whole staircase, just take the first step.”

ACTION ITEM:  Think about changes you’ve wanted to make and goals you have.  What’s stopping you?  Have you been frozen because you don’t have all the answers?  Can you decipher the first step right now?  If so, take it.  See what reveals itself once you do.

 

#Aliver

You’re missing out if all you’re seeking is happiness… here’s why

Written By: blog - Nov• 13•15

I remember the first time I experienced a moment of being an Aliver.  It was something I had never felt before.  It was a feeling of lightness… of being carefree.  For the first time in my life, “life” wasn’t my focus.  This probably sounds corny but I began to look at the sky, trees, and flowers with an utter amazement and deep appreciation.  These things never had significant value to me but I began to see how precious they were and experienced a sense of serenity simply from being exposed to them.  What I later realized was that I had just been introduced to peace.  Since being raped, I spent all my wishes and hopes on happiness.  I just wanted to be happy.  Isn’t that what everyone wants?

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Little did I know, at least in my opinion, that there is something beyond happiness that exceeds the pleasure connected with happiness.  Happiness is often attached to something like money, a marriage, having kids, or going on a vacation.  Dictionaries indicate happiness results from the possession or attainment of what one considers good and lists good fortune, pleasure, contentment, joy, delight, and satisfaction as descriptions of happiness. What happens if you are in a place in your life where you are not able to obtain “things?”  Does that mean life has to be unbearable?  Well, it does if all you’re seeking is happiness because you need these “things” to feel pleasure.  Perhaps this is why so many of us are living a life in which we are searching for more.  I propose that you may be searching for the wrong “thing.”

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Your biggest problem isn’t what you think it is

Written By: blog - Nov• 12•15

Each of us has had our share of hard times both past and present…

  • financial struggles
  • broken relationships with family members
  • emotional pain from past experiences

Understandably we ponder these issues searching for solutions to address them.

These aren’t our biggest problems though…

Our biggest challenges are the ones we don’t actually even have.

Many of us spend an inordinate amount of time stressing about problems that don’t even exist.

We’re worried about what could go wrong.  Fear of possible problems we may encounter in the future paralyzes us.
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Sure, you could lose your job tomorrow and go broke shortly after.  Yes, it is possible that your long-term relationship with him/her could come to an end.

What is also possible is that you could get an unexpected promotion.  You could live happily ever after.

The list of future possibilities both positive and negative is endless so why waste your time worrying about them?  Why stress about something that hasn’t even happened yet?  Why let fear be the ruler of your life?

ACTION ITEM:  Make a list of the things that worry you most.  Highlight everything on the list that hasn’t actually happened and is simply something you’re worried can happen.  Cross those things out and redirect your time and energy toward developing solutions to actual challenges in your life.

 

#Aliver

 

Start where you are… start now

Written By: blog - Nov• 11•15

We all have goals, hopes, and dreams.

  • lose weight
  • change careers
  • start a business
  • quit smoking
  • save for retirement

For many of us these goals, hopes, and dreams have been sitting stagnant for a reeaaallllyy long time.

We have a good explanation for that:

  • I’m going to start on Monday
  • I can’t start until I take this class
  • I won’t have time until Summer
  • I’m not ready yet.
  • I might not be successful

Our list of explanations are really just excuses.  There’s really no such thing as ready and there will always be a reason to wait to move forward if we allow ourselves to create one.
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You don’t need to have everything figured out.  You don’t need to know every single step in order to take the first step.  Start where you are.  Do what you can.  Use what you have…. NOW.  Trust that the rest will come…. because it will.  Promise. : )

ACTION ITEM:  Make a list of your goals, hopes, and dreams.  Pick the one that is most important to you.  Next to it write one thing you CAN do NOW to inch closer to it then……. DO IT…..then…. REPEAT

#Aliver

 

Your life is what you choose it to be… choose wisely

Written By: blog - Nov• 10•15

We certainly didn’t choose to experience the trauma we did.  If we had it our way it never would have happened.  We wouldn’t even wish it on our worst enemy.
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We do however, choose what happens next.  Sometimes we’d like to believe we have no control because it relieves us of responsibility and allows us to stay in “victim mode.”  We can blame the past… blame people… blame society.  But if we live the rest of our lives miserable, that’s our choice.

 

If you want your life to change, if you want to be happier, if you want peace, if you want better relationships…

You’ll have to be willing to CHOOSE to heal.  Healing is a CHOICE you must make daily.

ACTION ITEM:  You’ll make thousands of choices today.  Make sure the words and actions you choose are conducive to your goal of healing, peace, and happiness.

 

#Aliver

Karma is your friend… If you make it so

Written By: blog - Nov• 09•15

We’ve all heard of karma…  Whatever you do comes back to you…. You reap what you sow.

Typically when we think of karma and refer to examples of it, we think of it from a negative perspective.  We think of the person who stole something eventually losing something of value.  The person who cheats on their mate eventually gets cheated on.

But karma goes both ways.  The law of karma does not state that whatever bad you do comes back to you.  It states whatever you do comes back to you.  That’s good news!  That means we have the ability to influence what life gives us.  If we put out positive vibes, behave kindly toward others, are forgiving in times we are wronged, we will enjoy a reciprocal experience from the universe.  In his book The Seven Spiritual Laws of Success, Deepak Chopra explains, “Every action generates a force of energy that returns to us in kind…. And when we choose actions that bring happiness and success to others, the fruit of our karma is happiness and success.”
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We make thousands of choices each day.  We choose what we say, we choose what we think, we choose what we do.  This means we have thousands of opportunities each day to make choices that create a force of energy that will bring us positive results.

ACTION ITEM:  As you proceed with your day, think before you act or speak.  Ask yourself, “Is this action going to create positive karma in my life?”  If not, make an adjustment… create the life you want through your daily choices.

#Aliver

Be Perfectly Imperfect

Written By: blog - Jun• 05•15

Be your best.  Do your best…….

Be THE best.  Do THE best.

One word changes the directive in these two sets of sentences.

We are living a world that asks us to do and be more than our best, it asks us to do and be THE best.

Be THE smartest.

Be THE prettiest.

Be THE most popular.

Be THE richest.

perfectly imperfect and unapologetic

Suddenly

YOUR smartest isn’t smart enough.

YOUR pretty isn’t pretty enough.

YOUR personality isn’t cool enough.

YOUR money isn’t long enough.

Next thing you know, without knowing at all, you’re on a never ending hunt for PERFECT.

You buy more and more make-up, more and more outfits, more and more drinks.

You try harder and harder to fit in.

You try so hard to be THE one that you lose you.

Take a moment and reflect on your habits and lifestyle.

What do they reflect?

Someone who is in constant pursuit of the ever elusive PERFECT?

or

Someone who is simply being themselves… focused on being the best them they can be?

Rather than trying to be perfect, be perfectly imperfect.  There’s no one else like you and you deserve to enjoy the love and peace that comes with acceptance of self…. without apology.

Love and Light

Elizabeth

#Aliver

What If You Fall?

Written By: blog - Jun• 04•15

Everything thing can change in an instant.

Scary isn’t it??…. or is it?

Well, it depends on how you look at it.

With a mind geared toward expecting the worst, yes, its very scary.  Many of us are in the habit of expecting the worse.

What if it doesn’t work?

What if she/he doesn’t like me?

What if I don’t get the job?

What if things never get better?

These are fair questions… What if all of those things do in fact happen?

what if i fall

But what if they don’t?

What if it does work?

What if she/he does like you?

What if you do get the job?

What if things do get better?

The truth is that we never know what’s going to happen so with that said we have two choices:

1. Allow fear to dictate our lives, paralyzing us to a point where we do nothing in an effort to avoid the negative what ifs (which actually doesn’t work even though we think it does).

2. Move forward with excitement, willing to take risks with an eye on the infinite list of super-awesome-wonderful things that just might actually happen.

Either way, we don’t control anything but ourselves and either way, something is going to happen.  Every day something is going to happen… even if we do nothing.

So why not default to the positive what ifs?  Why not focus on what we want and do everything in our power to put ourselves in position to have all the greatest what ifs of the world happen to us?

Start paying attention to how you think.  Are you a negative what if’er?  Each time a negative what if scenario pops in your mind challenge yourself to consider the positive side to that what if.

What if you fly?

Love and Light

 

Elizabeth

#Aliver

 

Its Not That COMPLICATED

Written By: blog - Jun• 03•15

“It’s COMPLICATED”  …Facebook status for relationships.

Maybe you didn’t actually select it but in your mind you thought, “Man!  My relationship is so COMPLICATED.”

For some of us, if asked, that’s how we’d label our lives… COMPLICATED.

Someone asks about your life as a parent…COMPLICATED.

Your efforts trying to parent your child whose mother/father you’re no longer with…COMPLICATED.

Thoughts you have as you process where you are in life versus where you want to be…COMPLICATED.

When you think about how in the heck you’re going to make up for all the money you didn’t save for retirement…COMPLICATED.

its complicated

As a survivor of multiple traumas and a super COMPLICATED life as a result, I realized lately that I came to a point where I unconsciously expect things to be COMPLICATED.

Recently I began a journey to purchase a car.  Scary and COMPLICATED for sure!  Pulling up on the car lot, my stomach was in knots preparing for what I expected to be a battle between me and the sales person.  My anxiety was so high I almost left without even looking at the car I wanted.  I spoke to a saleswoman and she arranged a test drive… wait, wait, it wasn’t COMPLICATED.  So I texted my best friend expressing concerns.. my anxiety is even higher because so far, this has been everything but COMPLICATED.  Does that even make sense?  Why am I experiencing heightened anxiety and the experience has been nothing but smooth?

The words she shared created a vibration of peace that over came my body in an instant.. “Some things can be easy.  Let this be that easy thing for you.”  WOW… She’s right.  Things can be easy.

That was the moment I realized my tendency to expect things to be COMPLICATED thus make them COMPLICATED even when they aren’t.  I ended up purchasing the car with zero issues and experience no pressure.  It was soooo not COMPLICATED.

Since then I’ve been mindful of myself and challenging myself to ensure that I’m not creating COMPLICATED when it’s really not that COMPLICATED.

 

Take time in the coming days to pay attention to your behavior.  When you’re faced with what appear to be challenges ask yourself, ” Is it really that COMPLICATED?”

More than likely, the answer is no.

Practice saying yes to easy because most of the time, It’s just not that COMPLICATED.

Love and Light

Elizabeth

#Aliver